I will do my best.
Thank you, thank you very much.
Right now. I’m thinking about how these pain pills aren’t kicking in because my back is fucking killing me; and I’m really anxious to see Interstellar. I’ve been thinking about it and I just can’t wait.
What stresses me out. Not knowing whether things are for certain. The anticipation of waiting for the outcome of something when you are unsure of the variables of the whole situation is very exhausting. I stress about what I will do in a day and when I will do it. I stress about not being able to find a job; because God knows I need some currency. Not for shits and giggles but for the really need of it to move forward and get things out of the way and to just be stable. I stress out because, like I said, I worry. I worry about messing up in anyway, because karma is a bitch. I worry that the day won’t turn out as I set it in my mind to be. I know people always say if you want a good day, you have to go out there and get it for yourself. That’s not always the case. Shit happens. Bad things happen, no matter how big or small. I worry because I allow myself to and I let it consume me, some days I fight it and I enjoy myself, I enjoy the damn day like I should. For the most part, I stress over things that I do and do not have the power to control.
Right now, I’m thinking about this Dario Marianelli song that it is just soothing my fucked up mind.
Everything stresses me out, it shouldn’t but I’m not strong enough to just let go of what goes on in my head. Letting it dwell in there makes me feel like it’ll amount to something. That all this caring and worrying will eventually lead to something profound. It’s a bit far fetched, but it’s worth it, I hope.
I am okay.
I’m in the middle between serenity and being pissed off; so that means that some days I am jolly as shit and others I’ll kill someone. I really won’t because that shit is illegal but you get what I am saying. I just can’t wait to not stress for every second of the day. I am always fucking worrying, sometimes it doesn’t even have to deal with me, I just think about things and it kills me. With life, with everything, I am confused and I’m doing my best to figure things out. There’s so little time to waste thinking shit over and trying to think of the right things to do. You just have to do it. With the right mindset of course.